Pride, Protests, & Personal Protections in 2025

Transcript Transcribed by Laura M.

Courtney: Hello everyone and welcome back. My name is Courtney. I am here with my spouse, Royce, and together we are The Ace Couple. And, I guess, happy Pride Month…? It’s June once again, and I don’t know about you all out there, but I’m just not really feeling it this year. I’m not feeling the Pride Month. It’s been a heck of a year and I want to talk about some of those feelings because I know I am certainly not alone out there. There are very much reasons to be concerned. There are very much reasons to be feeling down, depressed, hopeless. I think those are all very common right now. And so we’re going to talk about, maybe, why Pride Month feels a little different this year. The politics at play for it. But I also want to try to interweave some of what we’re doing and how we’re feeling.

Courtney: And not necessarily to give advice, because our situation may be vastly different from yours. For that instance, I know a lot of our listeners aren’t even American, and so some of these politics are– I’m not going to say inconsequential to the rest of the world, because that’s certainly not the case, but more– more indirect at this stage and perhaps they aren’t feeling the ramifications of it as immediately as some of us are here in the States. And, honestly, ever since January, I’ve been trying to figure out how to go about talking about politics in an unscripted podcast format, because we sometimes record episodes several weeks in advance and things are happening so rapidly. The Republicans are really holding true to their promise of flooding the zone that everything seems like an emergency, everything seems like a fresh horror, but we’re getting a dozen of them a day. And so I imagine– You know, the other aspect at play here is I also didn’t want a whole episode of like, we told you so… We told you so.

Courtney: But a lot of what’s been happening in politics feels like a ‘we told you so’. Going back to when we literally watched all of the Project 2025 training videos. When we talked about how Project 2025 was going to be implemented, regardless of what Trump was saying on the campaign trail. Going back several years, when we were talking about just conservative religious organizations writing letters to Congress. So many of the things that we warned would happen are now coming to fruition, sometimes in the most horrific ways possible. But it is neither fun, nor entertaining, nor cathartic or anything to just sit here and be like, “Well, we already saw this coming.” So I think this is perhaps going to be just a broad sweeping: here are a handful of things that have happened in the first 100 days of this new Trump presidency, how it’s affecting some people, and how– the things we’re doing to protect ourselves, things our friends are doing to protect themselves. Just so we can kind of open that conversation and hopefully also just validate the fact that if you also are feeling a little less than prideful this year, you are certainly not alone in that.

Courtney: But I also don’t want the validation of those feelings to be an excuse for complacency or checking out. Because I don’t think it is a stretch to say that our country is in a state of emergency right now and I do think it is perhaps more important than ever to step up and do what we can, how we can, within our own unique situations and talents. So, since it is Pride Month– I’m struggling to know how to start here. I have so many things I would like to talk about that I’m sure I’m going to forget a couple dozen things before the end of this episode. You know, sometimes I can just tell as soon as I turn off an episode I’m going to be like, “Oh damn, I also wanted to talk about that. Oh shit, I forgot that other thing!” That happens a lot. A little peek behind the curtain. But let’s start with Pride celebrations and work backwards.

Courtney: So World Pride is taking place this year in Washington DC. What a year for that to happen in. And I have exceptionally mixed feelings about this. For one, I was planning to go to World Pride. I was planning on submitting a paper to the Human Rights Conference, like, years ago. Two, three years ago, they put out sort of a here’s a bulleted list of some of the topics we’d like to discuss at the Human Rights Conference and I distinctly– one of them, I remember one of them being something along the lines of why marriage equality is not enough. And I was like, “Oh me! Pick me!” I know so much about this topic and I thought, well, I’ve never been to a World Pride before, at least not in person. I suppose I have participated in some of the virtual events around World Prides in years past, but hey, it’s right here in my country that’s a lot cheaper, it’s a much easier travel to try.

Courtney: But a couple years back, when I was thinking of submitting this paper, I had still not really left the house for anything. We’re still pretty COVID conscious and this this year we are starting to be a little bit looser, testing the waters, but we are still very selective about where we go, what we do in what groups, and you will absolutely still see us in public with masks on if it is indoors, with a lot of people for sure. And I was honestly very afraid to submit a paper to the conference because I didn’t know how I would be feeling in 2025, or what the state of the pandemic would be looking like. And by that point, I had already needed to cancel a conference that I was scheduled to speak at in Denmark about Victorian hair work that I already had been accepted to, was planning on traveling to, and then the numbers were just still way too high, way too bad, and I had to cancel that. And I didn’t want to do that for another conference.

Royce: Was that 2021-2 maybe?

Courtney: I think I might have applied in 2021, and I think the conference was supposed to be in like early 2022. Maybe. I don’t know. It feels in some ways so long ago. But despite being concerned about trying to present at another conference that I might need to cancel again, I didn’t submit a paper but still kind of thought maybe I will still attend if I feel safe enough to do so when the time comes. And really right up until a few weeks ago I was still thinking I might try to pop in, but a number of things have happened.

Courtney: There are a lot of just general concerns and fears and controversies surrounding World Pride this year, including, but not limited to the fact that there are now calls to boycott World Pride this year because it’s taking place in Washington DC. And this is one of those very, very complicated things where I can absolutely see both sides of the argument.

Courtney: Because organizations such as the African Human Rights Campaign are saying that there are travel safety concerns because of the Trump administration, because of the hostility towards the queer community in our country right now. Those are very valid and correct. They’re saying statements like: “The United States is no longer a free, democratic country that World Pride signed up for,” which is unfortunately, also correct. There are– And once again I will remind everyone that specific sources we cite are always going to be linked in the show notes on our website as well as the description box on YouTube. But there are college professors, experts in fascism, who are leaving the country and having these big profiles about how America is heading towards a fascist dictatorship. And people who study the history of fascism are saying, “Hey, yeah, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from history, it’s get out sooner rather than later.”

Courtney: But of course, a lot of these folks are also, you know, very privileged and well-respected academics who have jobs in other country, who have mobility, who have the means to do so, and certainly not everybody does. I saw a statement recently that was going around that said something along the lines of, you know, you’re living in a fascist society when you’re constantly doing the mental calculations to convince yourself that you are still safe. And I think that pretty much sums it up for just about everyone in my community, whether they are queer, People of Color, immigrants. Just about everyone I know is always going, “Oh wait, is that me who’s going to get arrested? Oh wait, is that me whose rights are going to be taken away yet?” And not everyone is still coming to the conclusion that they are still going to be okay. That is how dire a lot of things do feel to so many people right now.

Courtney: So I think it’s absolutely fair for these international organizations to say, hey, the climate has changed. World Pride accepted this bid to be in Washington DC in a very different political climate than it is now. This country is no longer recognizable and this is no longer the country that people want to travel to to have this large event. Very understandable. On the other hand, many of the organizers of World Pride are saying that attending an event like this is an act of resistance. This is an act of protest and it’s more important than ever. Because for how many years in recent history, at least in our country, we’ve been saying, “Is Pride really a protest anymore? Is it really a protest or is it just a party? Is it just a festival?” These conversations have been had because for a number of years, a lot of people didn’t feel like attending a Pride was an act of resistance anymore, at least not in large cities.

Royce: And circumstances around that have changed.

Courtney: Exactly. So I can’t personally begrudge anyone on either side of this argument for making the choice they are. If someone is listening to the African Human Rights Coalition and saying, yeah, I’m going to boycott World Pride this year, I get it. If people are saying, no, all the more reason to go to World Pride, I also get it. And I do think perhaps more than ever within recent years, there is a certain amount of bravery that is going to come with going to such a high profile Pride event like this. We know we have seen in this country acts of homegrown terrorism, with people driving cars into protesters, festivals… especially in America. My gosh, are you kidding? We have like eight mass shootings every single day. Like, I fully know and have had these conversations with friends of mine where some of the most privileged people who could be going to this – I’m talking like white, cis, upper class, gay men – having conversations with folks in this demographic who are even saying like, “I would be afraid of going to World Pride this year.”

Courtney: And so of course, that is going to be even amplified for trans folks, People of Color, especially people traveling from out of the country or immigrants living in our country. So I made the decision not to go for a couple of reasons. The first thing to really majorly give me pause was the African Human Rights Coalition calling for a boycott. I did a lot of deep thinking about that. But personal circumstances and my own reframing about what I want to do in times like this sort of helped to make the decision a little clearer. Because I’ve kind of said before that at least the Pride festivals I’ve had access to haven’t been like my favorite things in the world. And especially several years ago when I knew a lot of the local drag scene.

Courtney: I was performing at Hamburger Mary’s. A lot of the performances at World Pride were people who I saw on a weekly basis, at least, and people whom I knew personally. People who I would be, you know, out of drag with on the day Hamburger Mary’s was closed and we’d be practicing our numbers.

Courtney: And it’s not that I don’t want to support those people. I love them, of course I do. But if these are people I see on a regular basis and know personally, I would rather be seeing them at our local drag bars. And, you know, sort of being in the natural setting. Because Pride festivals are hot as hell and I don’t deal well with heat. They are outside. There can be a lot of walking which can be very hard on the body. So it is like a slightly worse experience than what I was already doing year round, if that makes sense. And even though it can be a very cathartic thing for some folks to just be in such a heavily concentrated, like, queer space with so many other people being out just being openly proud, openly queer, I find that once you actually find like a true community where you talk to each other on a regular basis, you engage with each other, you support each other, you’re forming your own little long term communities, the luster of a big parade – to me at least, personally – starts to fade.

Courtney: Because to me those personal connections are what I find most important. And that’s not to say you can’t find personal connections at large events, but you do kind of have to be a certain kind of personality to go to such a large event and be able to pick people out and engage with them and then stay in touch with them after the event. It’s not unheard of, but not everyone is up for doing that. So to me the biggest draw of World Pride wasn’t the parade or the parties or the concerts, it was the Human Rights Conference. And fortunately I knew from talking to Yasmin that she was going to be attending. So that also made me feel a little better about deciding not to go, because I knew there was going to be a very competent ace representative in that space. And then just personal reasons.

Courtney: I mean my mom has been in and out of the hospital recently, but I am actually going to be traveling to China before too long and I thought those are going to be two very big trips right back to back, maybe not ideal for my body or my health or risking it back to back with COVID, or other illnesses for that matter. But I do just want to foster and deepen my local community even more, because that has been by far and away the most grounding thing to have amidst all of this political upheaval. And it kind of occurred to me, you know, speaking at the Human Rights Conference I don’t think is going to be any more fulfilling than when I was invited to speak at Kansas City Youth Pride. I don’t think attending parades or concerts is going to be any more fulfilling than having an A-spec D&D session at our local game store.

Courtney: And in fact one event that I did recently attend was randomly Gays Eating Garlic Bread in the Park. Which I knew almost nothing about until I got invited to. I expected it to be a very small little thing. I didn’t know how many people would be there. Some of my friends and I were joking around that it was very culturally appropriative for the gays to take the garlic bread when very clearly that’s an ace thing. But I made some really good garlic bread and in fact I even ordered some very fancy, like, gourmet vegan cheese. And we went out and had a picnic, got my little picnic basket ready. And there were a ton of people there and it was such an amazing supportive experience. Like, what a fantastic group of people. And I understand the reasons why food based events are not going to be for everyone, just like alcohol based events aren’t going to be for everyone. There was something about this event, the fact that it was in the park, it was a queer community, and we were all eating together.

Courtney: Even though the poster said, like, bring your own garlic bread, the number of people who came out with extra things to share – garlic bread and otherwise – and everyone just fed each other and laughed and enjoyed a beautiful spring day. It was fantastic. And it in itself also felt like a bit of an act of resistance, because our local chapter of Food Not Bombs showed up with garlic bread to feed anybody who didn’t have their own. And since I specifically made, like, my own vegan garlic bread to just make sure, the number of people who thought of additional dietary concerns when bringing things to share was astonishing. We’d have people walking around saying, “Oh, I made extra vegan garlic knots. Does anyone need any garlic knots that are vegan?” We had people saying, “Oh, I have gluten free garlic bread for anyone who needs it. We had gluten free and vegan garlic bread for anyone who needed it.” It was– I was like, “Yes! Thank you, Garlic Bread Gays for thinking about all of these dietary concerns and bringing extra for people. This was so very cool.” There were even, like, vegan and gluten free cupcakes that were going around.

Courtney: And let me tell you, that felt more like a real community than a lot of our local big Pride festivals in June have felt to me. And you know, another thing we were just talking about when it comes to food and sharing food and feeding one another, if you are looking for something to do, organizations like Food Not Bombs that focus on community solidarity instead of charity, who protest war while feeding their local communities, things like that are amazing options. But even outside of getting involved in an organization or activism, if you are looking for a community and if you have the resources to do it, get into gardening. Oh my gosh. I know not everybody has a yard like we do, but we have an indoor garden and we have an outdoor garden. I know some communities have community gardens that you can also get involved in. That has been, I think, the fastest way to really foster community with people. That has been such a joyous side effect of our gardening escapades.

Royce: Yeah, having extras around to share, or having a batch of seedlings that germinated a little bit better than you expected so now you have more plants than you know what to do with and just need to foist them on people.

Courtney: Yeah, sharing plants or sharing your extra food once you’re harvesting it.

Royce: For the space conscious people, mushrooms are another alternative that are getting more popular.

Courtney: We’ve had some mushroom successes recently, both inside and outside.

Royce: Yeah, we still have a ways to go on that front, but we did get at least an initial run of oyster mushrooms. Hopefully more on the way, along with some lion’s mane that are in preparation right now. And I finally got wine cat beds sprouting, which should be good over time.

Courtney: But yeah, when we started gardening it was mostly just for food for ourselves. I did not anticipate just how quickly we would be sharing plants and food with other people and they’d be sharing theirs with us. Truly a joy. But another note I want to add in the spirit of protests, you know, I mentioned I’ve been going to a lot of protests recently, at a variety of places for a variety of causes. And one thing, here’s a story, these both happen to be at the same protest. I want to talk about how powerful it can be to be the queer representation in an unexpected place. Because I have as, well you can imagine, a variety of protest signs that I’ve made over the years. If there’s something very specific and new that needs to be addressed, I’ll often, you know, scramble and make a new sign before going out to the next protest. But I also just have some great big Pride flags and I have a great big flagpole that I can carry them on. And sometimes I’ll take a Pride flag instead of a poster.

Courtney: Now when I do this, for instance, at the very large protests in Kansas City, Missouri, nobody really bats an eye at it. It seems to fit in. It probably isn’t even the only Pride flag that you see there. But there was one day recently where a lot of protests were happening throughout the Kansas City metro and I thought about going to the big Kansas City, Missouri one again. But then I thought, no, I’ll go to this smaller one that’s in Johnson County on the Kansas side, and I’m going to bring my big Pride flag. And I was, in fact, the only Pride flag there, given the fact that it was a little bit more of a general protest, there were kind of a couple different issues people were talking about there. I still didn’t think it was weird or unique or that anyone would bat an eye at it.

Courtney: But while I was standing there on the side of the road with this big– and it’s the Progress flag too on a big flagpole, a guy comes up to me and he’s a little bit teary eyed. And he tells me that he is a government employee and he is a trans man and he didn’t even know that there was a protest today. He didn’t plan to go to one. He was just out running errands when he drove by and he said, “Seeing your trans inclusive Pride flag at this protest in Johnson County, Kansas, meant so much to me that I had to stop and park and come tell you how much this meant to me to see in this crowd.” And he was definitely fighting back tears. Then I was fighting back tears. Then we were both fighting back tears. And he was saying, “Yeah, I feel like, amongst all the issues happening, that people like me are often getting forgotten because I am a federal employee and they are going to cut my healthcare benefits.” And so we talked about that for a period of time before he had to go. But until that happened, because so many of my friends are queer, so many of our local community are queer and we all know each other and support each other, it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that there are people not far from us who haven’t connected with that community yet but still really need to see that solidarity.

Courtney: So, even though it was a much smaller protest with fewer bodies than there was, you know, 20 minutes away, being the queer representation there really really mattered to him. And, I’m sure, many others. So, while queer specific events and Pride festivals can be very important to a lot of people, if you have the ability to be the unexpected queer representation in a local space, I think that can be even more powerful.

Courtney: And after this encounter I had the most wonderful conversation with an elderly woman who was here. I ended up talking to her for a very long time. She’s led a fascinating life. But she also approached me because of my Progress flag and this was about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. She comes up and says, “Oh, my nephew’s son– no, daughter. My nephew’s daughter just came out as his daughter.” And then I kind of helped because I could kind of tell she was searching for the right words, and I said, “Came out as trans?” And she said, “Yes, she, she came out as trans.”

Courtney: And occasionally she would say, like, the wrong pronoun, but then she would, like, stop and take a breath and correct herself. And after getting through that initial explanation to me, she said, “I support her so wholeheartedly but I’m not used to talking about it. But then I saw your flag, do you think I could practice talking about it with you?” And I was like, “Ma’am! Absolutely.” So, I was like tell me about her, what does she do, what does she like? And we just had a conversation and she just practiced saying she/her pronoun. She practiced saying daughter. There was a moment where she said a name and she was like, [gasps] “I don’t even know if that’s the right name anymore.” And so then she’s like, “I guess I have to find out if she’s changing her name.” And it was just like the sweetest, most wholesome thing. Because she was explaining to me that she just needed practice. She said, “I support this, I just need to get used to it. But I don’t want to practice to her right after she came out, because I don’t want to mess up to her face.” But she said, “I also don’t know who I can practice this with, but I saw your flag and thought maybe I can practice with you.” And I was overjoyed to be that person.

Courtney: And then, like, to my delight, after we had, like, our practice conversations, we just got to talking about ourselves and each other and why we were out today. And she was very, very progressive and politically aware. And I was kind of astonished when she started talking about how, “Yeah, all of these conservatives, they’re so weirdly obsessed with sex. Have you ever heard them talk when they’re talking about sex?” And I was like you have no idea, you don’t know the half of it. [chuckles] And then she was like, “Why do they care about, you know, these young trans folks and why do they care about their sex lives?” And so we got to talking about that and I actually got an opportunity to start talking to her then about asexuality too, and she was very eager to hear about it. And I kind of helped connect some of the dots for her.

Courtney: Because she noticed these ever increasing talking points revolving around sex and didn’t really know why or where they were coming from, but being able to sort of fill in those gaps for her, she was like, “Oh my gosh, that’s so– that’s all clear to me now.”

Courtney: And I guess I shared these stories, because I do know a lot of people who are afraid to go out and protest right now. And I will also say, from my experience and the people I know, the ones who let that fear hold them back from showing up are normally the ones with the most privileges and the least likely to be profiled or have something go awry at such an event. But of the many, many protests I’ve been to, they have all been very peaceful.

Courtney: There has been a lot of coalition building at a lot of our protests. People who might be thinking they want to get involved in local activism but don’t know where to start, start at a protest. A protest is not the end of activism but it actually can be a start. Because you will see sometimes people with booths for an organization. If they don’t have booths, you’ll see people walking around with cards saying, hey, this is our group, this is what we’re doing. We meet every Monday at the library, or we meet on the second Tuesday of every month to discuss this. So you will find those people and meet them and that can give you a start. And gosh, I don’t know. I’m looking at the time now and maybe this is going to be more personal anecdotes than anything.

Royce: This will be a who knows how many parter?

Courtney: I have like 80 tabs about laws, executive orders, arrests, Project 2025. I have so many things open that I want to talk about.

Royce: This will just be ongoing. We’ll cut it to about an hour each time. The funny thing is I don’t know if 80 tabs is an exaggeration or not.

Courtney: You know me so well. [laughs] But all this to say, I suppose we can wrap this part up with more personal anecdotes and then we can get into the hell of our politics a little more next time. But we do, of course, have our Pride flags, both the Progress and Ace flag, hanging up in quiet, suburban neighborhood. Unexpected place. I’ve become more interested in attending these smaller protests because– Truly it seems counterproductive, because you’d think more bodies amplifies our voices, but when there is a choice, when I have a car and I have a choice of going to a protest 10 minutes away versus a protest half an hour away, or even a protest that’s an hour away – sometimes they’re all happening at about the same time – I’ve found that some of the most productive conversations happen at the smaller ones.

Royce: I don’t know that it is necessarily intuitive that everyone centralizing at one protest would have a better impact. I see why people would think that way. But unless you’re obstructing in some way, unless you’re getting big media attention, if there– it’s known that there’s a big protest, a lot of people might go out of their way to avoid, you know, traffic congestion or anything on that street. So I feel like spreading out and at least having knowledgeable people at a number of protests would actually get higher visibility.

Courtney: And it certainly fosters more personal connections and conversations and coalition building. And, like I said with the flag, sometimes being the queer representation in a smaller event where there isn’t already a lot of it, can make more impact than otherwise adding to a long list of others.

Royce: I do have to jump in real quick and just mention a Courtney pet peeve.

Courtney: Oh no.

Royce: Please steam or iron your flags.

Courtney: [laughs] Oh, no, no. The number of flags I do see at protests or at Pride festivals that are so clearly right out of the bag, like you see just squares. Squares of creases all across like a checkerboard. It does drive me a little batty. So every time I get a new Pride flag I am fully there with a steamer just steaming it out.

Royce: Then usually, if we have space, it hangs in a closet somewhere in a way where it isn’t folded up or at least not creased.

Courtney: You will not see any wrinkles on my Pride flags. No, ma’am.

Courtney: I know a lot of people right now are concerned about marriage rights and I’ve even had people in my life who have been concerned about ours, who were saying like, “Oh, is there anything else you can do? What can you do to protect yourself?” Every relationship is different, but for most states, for most monogamous couples, just really making sure that you have shared legal property is one of the best things to do. If you have a car, if it is both of your collective– if it is your car and you share it, both of your names should be registered on it. If you have a home, a lease, both of your names should be on it. Because even in instances where a marriage might be dissolved, that’s going to be a big thing to protect yourself. If you have combined assets, which I recognize not everyone does. If you are in a polyamorous relationship with any amount of combined assets, childcare, etc. There are other ways around. You’ll need to speak to a lawyer but, like literally, you can all become an LLC. [chuckles] Like there, there are ways to legally protect your relationship and assets that are outside of what traditional marriage currently allows for.

Royce: That expands upon the word partner.

Courtney: Yes. But if you are in a queer relationship that you have concerns about your rights potentially being removed, talking to a lawyer certainly can help. There are sometimes nonprofits even that you might be able to talk to. You’ll just have to see what’s available in your area. The Chosen Family Law Center, for instance, is a great option for folks in New York. They have openly spoken in the past about how they will help folks in asexual marriage and relationships. And finding organizations like that, even if you aren’t in a state that they service, reading what their legal professionals have to say in blogs and articles can sometimes give you just an idea of the expansion of possibilities if you truly just do not know where to start. Because that’s something that not only us but so many of our married queer friends right now are looking at secondary and tertiary ways to protect themselves and their relationship, if anything were to change. And there is a very real concern about that.

Courtney: Obergefell, the actual guy who brought the lawsuit Obergefell v. Hodges, is doing news interviews right now talking about how, you know, several years later, he is now concerned about these protections staying in place. And yes, that was such recent memory that Obergefell even passed. But look what happened with Roe v. Wade. There was a much longer legal precedence with that one that got overturned very recently. And Obergefell has been mentioned in other legal rulings by conservative judges, giving very strong reason to believe that there’s an enormous number of religious conservative people in organizations who have that Supreme Court ruling next on their chopping block. And we already know what those judges and organizations think about asexual marriage.

Courtney: Healthcare is always a concern, and what you disclose to whom and how is always a concern, but perhaps now more than ever, with RFK’s autism registry and vow to find the cause of autism and anti-vaccine propaganda. Everything that comes along with these harmful conspiracy theories that he is pushing. I know I personally have walked back my intent to potentially pursue a diagnosis. I know a lot of people who have. I know a lot of people who were seriously considering pursuing an autism diagnosis who now are not going to, and I think that’s probably the right choice for most people.

Royce: Well you, even as a young person, had someone tell you that an aspect of neurodivergence they, like, gave you their professional opinion that you had it and they were like, “I’m specifically not putting this on your paper because it will affect your medical future.”

Courtney: Right with OCD. I absolutely had a mental health professional say, “I’m pretty sure you have OCD, but I’m not going to put it on your paperwork for this reason.” So that’s always been in the back of my mind and as someone with a chronic pain condition, a chronic illness, I already have such a complicated medical history. But I don’t think I have a single doctor who has my entire medical history. And sometimes that has been frustrating, but other times it’s kind of a blessing. Sometimes certain doctors, especially if you’re someone like me who needs to see a variety of specialists, sometimes they don’t need to know everything. Because the medical field is incredibly biased. But outside of strategically choosing diagnosis, if you’re someone who for some reason you have some kind of benefit you think you can access by getting a diagnosis – not very common, but there may be some folks out there – I’m never going to tell that person just don’t get the diagnosis if you think it can help you materially in your situation.

Courtney: But one thing I personally would have a reservation about doing at this point in time is reporting it to health insurance. Which could be prohibitive. A lot of medical care is prohibitively expensive if insurance is not covering any of it. But there kind of is less of a paper trail if you can pay out of pocket for a doctor, get your own records, and then not allow them to share your records with like your primary care doctor or insurance or anywhere else. Sometimes there’s a benefit to that. Everyone else’s mileage may vary. Think about your own situation, but know that that is an option that might protect you some.

Courtney: Another thing that this was even– This was sort of a result of the first Trump presidency and it’s probably only going to get worse from here. But– So, the Affordable Care Act didn’t do enough, but it did do some very good things, including making it so that you could not be denied or charged more for insurance if you had pre-existing conditions. Just very necessary, some folks who just have pre-existing conditions, just could not be insured. It’s absurd. But some of the changes that happened during the first Trump presidency didn’t fully overturn those, but there were more like exceptions or workarounds that kind of became a little more permissible. And, without going deep into the policies of why that happened, we had a situation a couple times actually where – our insurance is through Royce’s employer – where we were given a huge stack of paperwork saying fill out this paperwork so our company can shop for insurance.

Courtney: This wasn’t even to sign up for a policy, but it was asking for our entire medical history, everything we have ever been treated for, everything we have ever been diagnosed with, and asking for specific details about, like, even the year that certain things were diagnosed or happened. And as I started filling this out it felt so wrong. First of all, because not all of my medical records are in the same place. They’re at different doctor’s offices, different hospitals. They have not combined, but I have had so many different things diagnosed and I think some things have been falsely diagnosed. I think there are some doctors who have just been charged with illegal kickback schemes for pushing pharmaceuticals on their patients, which has been confirmed and verified but– And yet those things are on my chart somewhere. And I was just like, this isn’t even going to one insurer. Why am I giving all this private medical data to someone, to anyone? I don’t– I don’t want this all in one place anywhere, first of all.

Courtney: Second of all, the last page was a signature saying basically, like, everything here is true to the best of your knowledge and if it’s not, this constitutes insurance fraud. Which could– Which is like a federal crime and could entail a big fine and jail time. It’s like, are you kidding me? So if I intentionally don’t put everything I’ve ever been diagnosed with in my entire life on this form and you clock that you’re gonna try to charge me with insurance fraud? Just because my spouse’s employer is trying to shop for insurance for all of the employees? American healthcare is a nightmare! And so I remember asking your employer, like why do we have to do this? And the answer was like, “Oh, it’s so we can find the cheapest insurance policy for everyone.” And it’s like, under the Affordable Care Act, they shouldn’t be able to charge you more for pre-existing conditions. So why do you need this information? Why does anyone need this information? And I didn’t know how many insurance companies this information was just going to be sent out to before we even had a policy with them.

Courtney: I felt so deeply and profoundly uncomfortable with that, and so we refused to do it. They kind of asked us twice, two different years. They asked us to do this, and both times we were like, no, we’re not doing this. So, especially now in yet another Trump presidency with RFK Jr making things like autism registries and talking about things like wellness farms for people with mental illness or ADHD – just horrible, conspiratorial and eugenic ideologies – don’t give your private medical information to anyone if you can avoid it. It is only on an as needed basis and only the bare minimum amount of information needed in each situation. That’s what I say as someone with a medical history as complicated as mine is anyway, but especially not before you’re doing business with them. If you don’t even have a policy and an insurance company is asking for your private medical information absolutely not, absolutely not. If you’ve got an employer asking for your private medical information, absolutely not.

Courtney: And then, in the same vein as protecting yourself with shared assets, shared property, depending on your own personal situation, it might be good to do a little bit of an insurance audit and, believe me, I used to own an insurance agency, I know insurance is a racket. I hate the entire damn industry. I fully, fully get it. But if you are in a number of situations, right now I do think it is time to really focus on protecting yourself. And one thing we did was get additional insurance policies, things that would protect us if we were to be sued for anything we’re saying publicly. Because we’re certainly not the biggest podcast in the entire world, but our politics are not very cool with the current fascist administration and we speak very critically about a number of very well resourced, litigious organizations. And I mean, let’s be honest, in the last year and a half, we’ve had like over a quarter million people listen to our podcast, so that seemed to make sense.

Courtney: But also I’m a business owner. I’ve met a number of quirky people. I have been threatened to be sued by, like, antiques collectors whom I’ve never done business with, under false grounds. Like, weird things like that have happened and luckily haven’t gone to court because they didn’t have a case. But you know, in increasingly divisive political climates people do get a little more litigious. So I want to be able to protect my business against false claims like that again, especially with the politics I voice publicly. I also sit on a non-profit board and, being a member of a board of a non-profit everybody that might be affected by decisions that are made by that nonprofit I want to be able to protect myself. So getting extra liability insurance that covers legal defenses like that is something that most people probably do not need. But if you are someone who is on nonprofit boards, if you are someone who has a public enough platform, things of that nature, just anything and everything you can do to research your own particular situation to see how best you can protect yourself, I think is now more important than ever.

Courtney: And I’m almost tempted to start talking about things like advanced directives, living wills in the name of protecting yourself. But I think maybe we’re going to talk about that a little more next week when we get into more of the political horrors that are happening because of the policies to keep deceased women on life support if they’re pregnant. [groans] I don’t like it.

Courtney: And you know, let us know– it probably won’t be anytime soon because we’ve got a number of things in the pipeline, but I think I took for granted a little bit how many of our international listeners just already knew that United States healthcare is extraordinarily messed up, and some of you did, some of you are well aware. But I was shocked at the number of people who were surprised at the $5,000 baby bonus not even covering delivery of a baby. They were like, “I knew healthcare in the US was bad, but I didn’t know it was that bad.” And I was like, oh, that’s tame! [chuckles] That’s tame. So you know, if any of you international listeners out there want a disabled ace’s full rundown of the United States healthcare atrocities as I have experienced or observed them, please let us know and I would be happy to rant about that at some point.

Royce: We’ll take a break from political horrors for a lighthearted Courtney story time.

Courtney: Lighthearted?! Get out of here. [laughs] So, however it is that you are celebrating Pride and or protesting, please be as safe as you possibly can be, within your own unique situations and remember to find the joy and solidarity however you can along the way too. Next week, we’re going to get into these 80 tabs that I have that I want to talk about, and we’ll see how many I end up forgetting or how many I add before we record part two. But for now, since it is Pride Month, I think today’s featured MarketplACE vendor should be someone who makes handmade Pride accessories. And that is why I am thrilled to shout out Tea & Bracelets, where not only can you find Pride things, but you can find sensory-friendly jewelry and accessories. Ready-to-buy and commissioned pieces, both available, handmade by a queer trans fiber artist. And indeed you can get really, really lovely bracelets in Pride colors and even pendants.

Courtney: Ace and aro flags are available, but you can also get a bi flag. Since there are custom made to order options, you can pick whichever Pride flag speaks the most to you, or get the good old fashioned rainbow flag. Since I’m a bit of a fiber art geek myself, I’m also – even though it’s not necessarily Pride related – I’m very drawn to these Celtic knot vinyl stickers. Because I love a good complicated knot and I love making complicated knots with human hair. So these– these knot stickers spoke to me and I bought all of them. And hey! Since we’re talking about the atrocities of United States health care, there’s even a disability Pride bracelet. Really beautiful fiber artwork. Definitely check out Tea & Bracelets. Links, as always, are in the show notes on our website and the description box on YouTube. Be safe out there, everyone. Have fun and we will be back again next week for some fresh horrors. I promise it’ll be worth it. After some fresh horrors, we’re gonna have a cake episode real soon. We’re gonna just have a happy, fluffy, ace history, ace cake episode. It’s coming soon, I promise you that. But we’re gonna be responsible, politically aware citizens first. And then we will have all of the cake. Until then, goodbye.